we don't talk about that

it is calm and i am wondering where it will head. i miss the color of her skin and i wonder if i will ever be that dark again. i blow kisses in the air hoping they land on his cheek. i want him to be glad i am around. i want him to miss me when i am not. i want them all to miss me when i am gone. he said i like attention and i must admit that i do. it was here last week. i had lots of attention. it was here two weeks ago. i remember because it kept me wake all night. now i am alone. i am sitting on a step stool missing the attention. we want it to be about something else. we want our hate to leave us and to be filled with love instead. but i rushed quickly into his arms before checking to see if they were open to me. i wanted to believe that they were open to me. the truth is that they were never open. just my heart that longed for the gentle kindness that he showed me so long ago.